Okay, just to give people an idea of a currently awkward situation...

I had a teaching assistant in one of my classes (not the one from India) who more or less was putting a lot of effort into helping students.  Well, I noticed this effort, and noticed the strain she seems to be going through.  So, I gave her a small 'thank you' card for her efforts and dedication to students. 

That is all, just a thank you card.  All it said was, "I know you are busy, so I will keep this short and brief.  I wanted to thank you for your efforts and dedication to students.  It may be your job, but it does not make it less appreciated.  Thanks!" 

Well, they confronted me about the card and said that such a card could put them in an awkward situation and have students accusing them of favoritism if I get a good grade.  Sure, it could have been ideal to give the card -after- the semester was over, but eish...when did doing something as simple as being generous become an issue?  I did not send twenty dollars, I did not send a big box of candy, and I definitely did not buy them coffee! 

At any rate, can someone shed some light into this?  Where I come from, 'thank you' cards were a sign of courteousness.  Nothing more.  They have nothing to do with violating the student and teacher hierarchy. 


Sincerely,
ResplendentSeraphim

I recognize the problem. My personal opinion is that some universities tend to be as politically correct as possible, making them forget the human aspect of studying.

We had a inter-faculty clog rowing race (basically rowing a wooden shoe shaped rowing boat up the Amstel Canal faster than the other teams) and we got in second. One of us said that it would be a fun idea to celebrate this at a local bar, and we did. Our team leader/juridical argumentation coach went with us. We had a fun evening.

A while later, the guy got into all kinds of trouble for that. I still really don't understand what the problem was. The idea alone of this little field trip making him partial to certain students is downright absurd, as his courses are voluntary, and the scores you get are not even on your Propedeuse. (end year evaluation rapport)

Kind regards,
Wilhelm

I think that basically, in this day and age, a lot of people in positions of authority feel that they must maintain stricter standard of conduct, especially in the educational fields, due to the bad press from those who don't. There have been so many high profile cases in recent years of teachers and other faculty crossing that line that it makes others feel they some how have to make up for it.

It certainly must make those who make the policies for these schools and universities increasingly nervous and self-concious to make sure it doesn't happen under their noses.

I can understand that, and I definitely understand paranoia.  I guess I just do not get where a simple 'thank you' card can be considered that bad.  It is a courteous to send one after interviews, it is a sign of thanks, etc.  I even told the person that I was not planning to send anything else. 

I understand the need for order and the need to set standards.  But when those standards start becoming detrimental to what used to be considered common generosity, I really have to wonder.  Does this make me ignorant of social boundaries whatsoever? 


Sincerely,
ResplendentSeraphim

NO, it doesn't. I also was raised with "manners". It seems that now days it's seen as a weakness to be polite. My husbands grandmother actually thought I was being sarcastic the first time I said, "Yes ma'am" to her! I was raised by a very proper southern grandmother. We were taught to say"please" and "thank you". In fact, if I hadn't sent out thank you cards after my wedding, she probably would have smacked me up-side my head! LOL

This world has become one of paranoia, unfortunately. *sighs*

Now this would be seen differently if you would have maybe given it at the end of the semester and when final grades had been posted. Although nice to do at anytime (I think), they are right in the aspect that it could be seen by other students as favoritism. Honestly I do not know what happen to people excepting a polite gesture as just that. Sad really...

Manners seem to be foreign to those of my generation. I tend to speak properly as well, and growing up in a suburb of Chicago that is needless to say quite urban. People take it as though I am speaking down to them which is not the case what so ever.
- Some just do not know how to take someone's generosity it seems, and thats sad.
 
Also, if I were in school and a teacher would have given me a card of that nature. It probably would have made me extremely happy to know that someone (especially a teacher) takes notice of our attempts to keep up!

I can answer this with two words. Competition and selfishness. Everyone is worried about getting ahead of the other guy. Getting the best job, making the most money. Concern for the fellow human now takes a back seat. And everyone is right, it is sad.

Just politely explain to them that you only show favoritism to the students who sleep with you, and therefore no one needs to worry about something as small as a thank you card.