I'm sort of ranting on different thoughts on this subject of finding a way spiritually. I hope this doesn't bother anyone but I wonder if anyone would benefit from my thoughts or might there be a discussion made on this topic of finding one's own spiritual path. I am also open to criticisms and hearing other's own thoughts.

I've been contemplating what I believe right now and although I haven't been profoundly inspired I am seeking something of the spirit, beyond skepticism and the hard cold facts of science. I'm sort of different, I don't practice in any set format. I don't really "practice" or follow any rede or laws of any kind. Which is probably best for me at the time.

 I can go to the Catholic Church and participate in the mass, but I think of it objectively. I don't necessarily partake in it. I read the Bible and it's not for me. I don't agree with the words. And there is much power to words, which you can't just ignore them. What I need is something poetic for me to believe in. I guess I am missing that ability to think subjectively. To really soak up something without finding something to analyze or disagree with.

 I don't usually go to church although recently I went to one which had a wonderful mass and enjoyed it. I don't know if I should go if I don't really know what I believe. My father just said recently that he is "Agnostic." Which may be why he hasn't gone to church. He says he goes because he grew up going and it is part of tradition. 

My Path has developed a lot from forums, because I don't live in an urban area where there are many Neo-Pagans and Witches. My area doesn't seem very diverse to me and so I feel the need to find somewhere where I can express my religious views without feeling squashed or patronized.
I am curious of what religious groups there are out there, and I have been thinking...about moving out to CA next year.


Perhaps than it might not have been a good idea to try to develop notions based on what I've read in pagan forums and it might be a better choice to try to find a religious group nearby. I have looked into it...

I could start an online spiritual group. But that might take a lot to manage. The other thing is I need to be careful of cults. Because I know that they are mostly misleading and used in order for the leader to make money or profit I think. Yet, the leap I am making is that I have to overcome my superstitiousness, and I have no one to blame on this but my own anxieties about spirituality.

For now I have been sort of developing my own principles which don't go by any set thought or idea. It seems my own spiritual life-style is forming without a role or structure, sort of just going with my spirit's force and insight...which isn't blind to me. It's almost revolutionizing the way I've thought about it. Why define myself as a witch or a catholic...which are pretty opposing in each's history and labels. I might as well just go with my gut, my instincts, and try to develop those raw and inner feelings to reveal those magical insights ...craving spirituality.

Or am I craving spirituality because I am struggling so with this darkness... Not that the sleep paralysis would really have made all that much of a difference, but it could be a big deal and I should try to get this checked out by someone trained in sleep disorders. I can't seem to figure out what is wrong with me. But I do have these recurrent nightmares quite a bit...and they seem to go a lot with how tired I am, stress, the weather, moods, etc.
This doesn't have to do really with spirituality though---just trying to see if it might have anything to do with why I am seeking something spiritual. Or if I belong in a spiritual faith...

Because maybe I am just not meant to be spiritual...and that doesn't bother me, only that it seems a sort of darkness not to believe in God or faith. Maybe Christianity has brainwashed me without my realizing it. This God and praying to a higher power when it's all you and your  mind and something you are in control of...eek. Ok I am  really rambling. I'm not sure if I need to post all this but I might as well. I don't want to clog up the boards but I really would love to hear someone's insights or thoughts.

How did you find your way spiritually? Or like, what makes you think your spirituality is right for you...or is it like something you just accept or follow because you feel drawn to it? It's all pretty cool with me...I don't know if I am explaining myself thoroughly enough.


Thanks in advance for any replies.

Thanks, I doubt I will receive any flames here because people here seem pretty nice and open-minded. Although sometimes I do tend to get deep. I really like intellectual discussions.

I'll find my path eventually, but it takes a lot of effort of weeding out the bad stuff and the good.

Like, all my books suddenly have no appeal to me...the ones I have on Paganism and Magick...and Witchcraft. I imagine I am just trying to figure out...so I distance myself from all things spiritual. Like, the Spirit, it seems the spirit has become more of a myth when reading literature without any spiritual flavor.

I read books and they have instructions on how to meditate, to reach these worlds or magical places, but that all just seems like more like imagination, not really like a rationalized spirituality. Well, when you start it's probably easy to be misled by those who know it all and want to teach you their ways.

It's not that I don't believe in the myths of working with herbs or magical correspondances etc. in Witchcraft.
 Or that spells work only through strict ceremonies or anything...it's the mechanism of how they work. Is it based on you solely, on the objects themselves? On the guidelines and instructions?
Or do you have to  have a really intense vivid imagination for them to work? Like you have to participate in this concept where what you create is manifest of your mind, working with these set approaches or approaches you created...but in and of itself...is it about the results of the action which caused it?

Is this just some silly made-up thing? I don't think it is really silly or just imagined up. There could be truth to using your mind to bend reality...but that's just a little way out there for me. Plus, with such simplistic recipes for such outragious changes...it's a little overwhelming. I don't completely buy into it that we are capable of that much because I am incapable of it...right now.

Maybe I am not grasping the concepts fully? Or am I forgetting how mundane everything is...I don't mean to critise Witchcraft, perhaps I am misleading myself...or am I not just spitting out what I've been taught.

Why would a certain symbol be more significant than another---it's all language...and sure language is language and we communicate through language with our minds and usually only with our mouths...through speech. When is speech unnecessary, and the spirit takes over...what really is a spirit? What does the spirit mean?

Well, I am going to try and post this in some other forums too because I'm not sure if many on here are into discussing this...hope this interests some.

Yeah, I tried ceremonial Wicca for a while...and I don't know, it just didn't seem to fit my personality.


Structure is important, but right now I'm not interested in following a belief system but trying to rediscover things through my own mind and experience whatever spirituality is and define it somehow. If I don't question, I fall into a trap of believing whatever I hear from other people...I admire those who have found their own spiritualities. I have had doubts, I think I am on the verge of trying and I'm trying hard to find a spiritual path...or something...